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From: pHant <[email protected]>
Newsgroups: alt.hackers.malicious
Subject: Sn1ffed Chat Log 19
Followup-To: alt.hackers.malicious,alt.jedi-of-ro0t
Date: Wed, 28 Feb 2001 11:39:11 +1000
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M: <mutters> I've fallen down and I can't get up! Why is the sun so
bright? Where the hell am I? OUCH!! Holy shit, my skin's as red as a
lobster. No sunblock, no Guiness, no water . . .oh FUCK! No donuts!
Boo-hoo-hoo! I'm lost! And I need a cruller NOW! And a coke!!!

<sound of drums in distance>

M: Oh, hell. WHAT NOW? Headhunters? Walking dead voodoo zombies? Maybe
I'm dreaming....... wonder where Rikijo is? Has anyone claimed a spank
on me yet? I want out of this boat! I wanna go home! I want a
jelly-filled donut! And five dozen chocolate honey-glazed! and a
king-sized bottle of cold Coke.....

............Whoa! Who's the chix0rita - fuck! Now I know I'm dreaming.

P1r4te: Marty? Time for you to get up. Time to break on through to the
other side.

M:: What? Who are you?

P: I am the P1r4te. Ahoy, fuckwit. Now get off your ass.

M: What transition? <gropes for crotch, misses, grabs and misses
again> I'm NOT DEAD!

P: <laughs> No, you aren't physically dead. You are spanked and
net.dead. Be happy for that small consolation. That's as good as it
gets. And it'll never get that good again.

M: You bitch. Do you know what I do to women who backtalk me?

P: Up, fatboy. That's right. Get up and put your hands behind your
back. Can't reach your back? Ha. Well, put 'em in front and hold
still. <snap>

M: What did you do to me? Smartassed bitch! What did you do to my
boat?

P: That, my fat friend, is a plank. While you were sleeping, my crew
r3n0v4ted your boat just a little. And take a peek - under the plank?
Those cracker boys look hungry.

M: Say. You wouldn't happen to have any donuts, would you?

P: No. And if I did, I wouldn't share 'em with you.

M: You can't make me walk that plank.

P: Walk the plank or take your spank.

M: This can't be real. It's a hallucination.

P: You can go back online and face up to the death blow spank - and
make no mistake, Pud, you got a lot of very angry people on your ass
now. Includin' my pal Riki.

M: I can't, ermm..........

P: <points to plank> Or you can take your chances with the other
bottom feeders.

M: Do you know who I am? Do you know how much money I have?

P: All the cash in the world won't save you now. You've mistaken me
for someone who gives a fuck. Start walking, lardass.

M: <crying> You'll never get away with this.

P: <sings> Keep on walkin, I ain't talkin to you anymore.

M: <takes two steps on plank> I'm dizzy.

<plank creaks and drops down a foot>

P: I been knowin' that. You like being the big bad predator. How you
like being the prey?

M: <sobs> I'm sorry!

P: Yep, sure you are. So you want to give me your confession or just
walk the next five steps?

M: I'll never harass anyone again! I'll never lie again! I'll never
stalk anyone, or call their employers, or netcop again!

P: Liar.

M: No, I swear it's true!

P: Remember this, fatboy: We'll be watching. We'll be listening. I'm
gonna cut you loose and let you take the spank instead of the plank.

M: <sobbing> Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! <rolls over, boat
lurches> Huh? Was that a dream? Fuck! It was so REAL! Ha ha! Take the
spank or walk
the plank!

<phone rings>

M: Yo?

O: Collect call from Oshawa.

M: Hooooooo-ly sys logs..... I am F.U.C.K.E.D. this time.


--

pH1